VEGAN BLACK METAL CHEF x GLŌM FEST

YOU’LL NEED:

• 1 whole cauliflower
• 1 block tofu
• Olive oil (to anoint your veggie sacrifice)
• Canola or peanut oil (for frying)
• Flour (to bind your destiny)
• 2 aggressive spice blends (used here: McCormick “Montreal Steak” + Weber “Kick’n Chicken”)
• Vegan mayo
• Sriracha
• Foil
• No mercy

STEP INTO THE VOID:

• Strip your cauliflower — remove the leaves and save them. (They’re edible.)
• Place the bare and naked cauliflower upon some foil.
• Smother your cauliflower in olive oil. Go heavy handed with this.
• SPICE IT LIKE IT OWES YOU MONEY. Blandness is for the weak. Go full chaos mode.
• Wrap that sucker in foil and bake/airfry at 400°F for about an hour.
• Last 15 mins? Unwrap it. Let it brown. Let it burn. Let it be reborn.

🦇 MEANWHILE IN THE BAT CAVE…

• Make a thin batter using flour + water.
• Add more spices — no measuring, just fury.
• Slice your tofu into BAT SHAPES (cookie cutter, dark sorcery, whatever works).
• Save the tofu scraps for a dark future (scramble later).
• Bathe your bats in the batter. They love it.
• Want extra points with the Dark Lord? Press the tofu and coat in panko.
  (Did we do this? No. Time is a lie.)
• Fry in hot oil till golden and crispy like your ex’s soul.

✨ FINAL SPELL:

• Mix vegan mayo and sriracha into the sauce of damnation.
• Drizzle it over your bats. Plate it with that roasted beast of a cauliflower
• Devour under a full moon or while blasting your favorite Aeon Sable track.

Big thanks to Vegan Black Metal Chef for making our veggies tastefully dangerous.
Follow him for more culinary incantations — and stay locked in with Glōm as we continue fusing music, madness, and mouthfuls of mayhem.